Amazing...

As a last resort this morning, before leaving for work (had to go in because a big process ran last night and need to be there for the fallout this morning) I did the voodoo dance recommended by the JK forum in the link above. You start the jeep, turns the wheels all the way to the left, turn all the way to the right, turn it off, turn it back on and drive. The lights should go off when you hit second gear..

It...worked. All the lights went off and there's no more hesitation. I even went through a big puddle (Detroit roads are really...something) at speed and it's behaving itself nicely now.

I think I'll sacrifice a cow on the sacred grill when I get home to say thanks to the old German gods who made this possible.

I'll probably also check the wires on the wheels to make sure they're all tight, just to satiate the gods of technology. Gotta cover all the bases